


anyway, here's wonderwall

by cheolhie (orphan_account)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: ?????????????, Alcohol, Anyways, Chatting & Messaging, Drugs, Fluff, Humor, I'm Sorry, M/M, Multi, Other, Sexual Humor, Sexual Tension, Smut, Texting, and baby chan?????????????, but - Freeform, can you tell i'm running out of ideas lmfao, chatfic, enjoy !!!!!!!!!!!!, i'm breaking those stereotypes???m, i'm just contributing to the millions of gc fics in the svt tag, like christian boy jisoo ?????????, like no thanks they're adults ????????????, mainly jokes tho, maybe ....., non idol au !!!!!!!, reaction memes, they all speak in gross as text lingo, this is a thicc ass mess tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-03-24 06:38:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13805571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/cheolhie
Summary: suhuicidal:oh my god jisooyou do drugs ??dinhoe:no, i do. i'm just throwing jisoo under the busseungchoke:you fucking WHAT matedinhoe:i’m kiddingi swear on my timbs i'm kidding





	1. go away josh, you skinny legend

**Author's Note:**

> is ao3 user hopping on the textfic train again???????? unfortunately, yeah. sorry,,,, enjoy it tho !!!!!!! these are fun to write and always funner to read !!!!!!!
> 
> ALSO !!!!!!!! i used to be @seouq, but changed again bc my twt is also [cheolhie](https://twitter.com/cheolhie)

02:49

**_choi seungcheol, kim mingyu and 10 others have been added to the group_ **

**_lee chan’s nickname has been changed to “dinhoe”_ **

**_seo myungho’s nickname has been changed to “Xyung_haoX”_ **

**_kwon soonyoung's nickname has been changed to “hoeshe”_ **

**_click to see latest updates_ **

**dinhoe changed the group chat name to “thicc exoticcs”**

**dinhoe:**  
night fuckers ✌

**thicc exoticcs**

06:13

**minguwu:**  
 _[uhbitch.jpg]_

 **junkie:**  
new phone who dis

 **jeonghyung:**  
who the fuck is junkie??

 **beonon:**  
surprisingly not me ayee

 **junkie:**  
it's jisoo

 **suhuicidal:**  
oh my god jisoo  
you do drugs ??

 **dinhoe:**  
no, i do. i'm just throwing jisoo under the bus

 **seungchoke:**  
you fucking WHAT mate

 **dinhoe:**  
i’m kidding  
i swear on my timbs i'm kidding

 **seungchoke:**  
inhales

 **jihoot:**  
exhales

 **jeonghyung:**  
jihoon !! where u been ?

 **jihoot:**  
lurking,


	2. healthy relationship with jesus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **won0w0:**  
>  where is soonyoung?
> 
>  **dinhoe:**  
>  on his knees, busy
> 
>  **gkwank:**  
>  _[excusemewhatnow.jpg]_
> 
> **dinhoe:**  
>  praying ?? lmfao you thought  
> he's in a healthy relationship with jesus
> 
>  **hoeshe:**  
>  hi !!!  
> the bible tastes good
> 
>  **succmin:**  
>  i just choked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i deadass got bored in math class and did this ;((((((((( it suxxx

****

**thicc exoticcs**

****

****  


14:29

**succmin:**  
 _[fireflies.jpg]_  
remember this bop of a song?

 **beonon:**  
BRO ??? OH MY GOD  
YES

 **gkwank:**  
planet earth may turn slowly,,  
but this ASS sure don't

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
zamn

 **minguwu:**  
we all know boo seungkwan knows howtta…  
( ( ( S H A K E T H A T A S S ) ) ) 

**succmin:**  
get that gay vaporware shit outta here

 **jihoot:**  
nah fam  
vaporwave is ~ C H I L L ~

 **junkie:**  
you only say that because you make that tumblr ass vaporwave shit you normie

 **jihoot:**  
normie??? okay then, mr hentai man

 **jeonghyung:**  
huh? excuse me HONG JISOO what did jihoon just say you were

 **won0w0:**  
~ m r h e n t a i m a n ~

 **junkie:**  
keels over and dies

**jihoot:**  
_[jisoosyaoicollection.jpg]_

**seungchoke:**  
hi guys !!  
oh  
bye guys !!

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
where the FUCK did you get all of that

 **beonon:**  
yeah what the fuck jisoo

 **junkie:**  
i have my sources  
and dealers

 **dinhoe:**  
now y'all see why his name's junkie?

 **suhuicidal:**  
YOU K N E W ????

 **jihoot:**  
oh god you're here

 **suhuicidal:**  
thanks bud

 **won0w0:**  
where is soonyoung?

 **dinhoe:**  
on his knees, busy

 **gkwank:**  
_[excusemewhatnow.jpg]_

**dinhoe:**  
praying !! lmfao you thought  
he's in a healthy relationship with jesus

 **hoeshe:**  
hi !!!  
the bible tastes good

 **succmin:**  
i just choked

 **hoeshe:**  
you're my religion chan  <33

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
praise and worship kink?

****

**seungchoke has removed Xyung_haoX from the group “thicc exoticcs”**

****

****  


**seungchoke:**  
none of that gay shit in here

 **beonon:**  
DUDE ????

 **seungchoke:**  
i had my tongue in your mouth like 10 minutes ago  
do NOT call me DUDE

 **minguwu:**  
fuck that's gay

****

**gkwank has added Xyung_haoX to the group “thicc exoticcs”**

**Xyung_haoX:**  
<3333 :))

 **gkwank:**  
<<333 :**

 **minguwu:**  
:(((  
i'm right here  
:((((

 **jeonghyung:**  
fuck off, telephone pole

 **hoeshe:**  
go impress gordon ramsey  
suck his dick  
like you mean it

 **minguwu:**  
>:((((

 **dinhoe:**  
we love you gyu  <3  
no homo tho !!!!

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
i mean homo tho ,,,

 **gkwank:**  
( ( ( ( F U L L H O M O L E V E L ) ) ) )

 **won0w0:**  
disowned

 **beonon:**  
pwned

 **suhuicidal:**  
smartphowed

****

**junkie has removed suhuicidal from the group “thicc exoticcs”**

****

****  



	3. "is an empty can of fly spray intimidating?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> **jihoot changed the group chat name to “funky guac”**  
> 
> 
> **Xyung_haoX:**  
>  what the FUCK is that supposed to mean
> 
>  **jihoot:**  
>  guacamole
> 
>  **gkwank:**  
>  i fucking HATE GUACAMOLE  
> i will actually fucking rip out your ass hair  
> and glue it to your ugly face  
> you guac-fucking faggot
> 
>  **won0w0:**  
>  sweaty :))) you're not intimidating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're sensitive with the use of gay slurs (such as f*gg*t) then maybe don't read this entire fanfic lmfao ,,,,, i'm just out here tryna reclaim what's rightfully ours

****

thicc exoticcs

****

**  
**

18:06

**Xyung_haoX:**  
this group chat name is gay

 **gkwank:**  
you're gay

 **won0w0:**  
me too

 **seungchoke:**  
fellow faggots !!!!

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
c h a n g e i t

 **jihoot:**  
i'll change you

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
do it daddy  
change me good 

**hoeshe:**  
:^///

 **junkie:**  
disgusting

 **succmin:**  
okay granddad

 **beonon:**  
granddaddy kink

 **seungchoke:**  
you're hardly ever on this chat  
but when you are  
it's never helpful

 **beonon:**  
you're welcome :))

**jihoot changed the group chat name to “funky guac”**

**Xyung_haoX:**  
what the FUCK is that supposed to mean

 **jihoot:**  
guacamole

 **gkwank:**  
i fucking HATE GUACAMOLE  
i will actually fucking rip out your ass hair  
and glue it to your ugly face  
you guac-fucking faggot

 **won0w0:**  
sweaty :))) you're not intimidating

 **junkie:**  
he's like an empty can of fly spray

 **hoeshe:**  
he what

 **junkie:**  
is an empty can of fly spray intimidating?

 **gkwank:**  
only if i hit you over the fat head with it

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
lmao which head tho 

**dinhoe:**  
this group chat was the best idea i've ever had

 **suhuicidal:**  
i have a better idea

 **succmin:**  
,,,,, ??

 **suhuicidal:**  
an orgy  
all of us  
now

 **jeonghyung:**  
sounds like the perfect time to get an std

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
you already HAVE an std

 **jeonghyung:**  
i'm a virgin, frog face

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
and i'm trump’s ass crack

 **seungchoke:**  
i just felt my dick fall off

 **minguwu:**  
mmmYDIC K FELL OFF

 **won0w0:**  
M Y DICK FEL LO FF 

**suhuicidal:**  
you guys are like ,,, tight fam

 **beonon:**  
excuse me they're what now

 **suhuicidal:**  
tight. like,, hella close and shit  
they're like a married couple  
i want in on that

 **won0w0:**  
i WILL come over there and knock you flat

 **suhuicidal:**  
flat on the bed? come over quick ;-*

 **dinhoe:**  
shUT up, tic tac dick

 **junkie:**  
y'all are so annoying

 **gkwank:**  
fuck you, jisoo  
go stick your dick in a guitar

 **won0w0:**  
if it has a hole, your dick is meant for it!  
that's my motto

 **jeonghyung:**  
yes i do love the feeling of sticking my erect penis into a bong

 **beonon:**  
that's hot

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
we GET it hansol, you smoke WEED

 **seungchoke:**  
he actually just bakes edibles like a pussy

 **beonon:**  
cheollie you fucking SNAKE  
you snort jelly crystals  
fuck you

 **succmin:**  
god, we love dysfunctional couples

**suhuicidal:**  
_[sipsipgoodtea.jpg]_


	4. we eating GOOD tonight boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **dinhoe:**  
>  i liTERALLY JUST GOT UP WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT
> 
>  **beonon:**  
>  we wanna eat mingyu's ass !!
> 
>  **suhuicidal:**  
>  and when do we want to eat mingyu's ass?
> 
>  **beonon:**  
>  we wanna eat it now !!
> 
>  **suhuicidal:**  
>  we eating GOOD tonight boys
> 
>  **jihoot:**  
>  you're not even-  
> y'know what  
> enjoy your meal :))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what a thicc mess of sexual tension

****

funky guac

****

****  


09:39

**jeonghyung:**  
mr !!! wen junhui !!!!  
go stick your dick !!, in a flute !!

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
what happened

 **suhuicidal:**  
sorry babe ;^* but i've already done that

 **jeonghyung:**  
what the fuck ?

 **beonon:**  
sup guys  
skate fast eat ass

 **seungchoke:**  
skate ass eat fast

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
fast eat ass skate

 **beonon:**  
eat skate fast ass

 **suhuicidal:**  
ass eat fast skate

 **seungchoke:**  
that's my mans !!

 **jeonghyung:**  
oh my god

 **succmin:**  
eat eat ass ass

 **seungkwan:**  
already do :)

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
fast skate

 **jihoot:**  
~ N Y O O M ~

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
eat ass

 **beonon:**  
the only motto i live by tbh

 **seungchoke:**  
excuse me?

 **beonon:**  
the only motto seungcheol lives by tbh

 **junkie:**  
oh my fucking god  
hansol gets his ass  
A T E 

**succmin:**  
*eaten is correct grammer  
but yes, that seems so

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
i'm wheezing bitch hold me

 **suhuicidal:**  
_[uhfuckingdisgusting.jpg]_  
don't TOUCh me with your WANK HANDS

 **won0w0:**  
oh my god 

**minguwu:**  
he arrives

 **jeonghyung:**  
where were you two

 **minguwu:**  
i was eating out gwan’s ass

 **gkwank:**  
PHAT ASS L I E 

**jihoot:**  
called it

 **gkwank:**  
actually, believe it or not  
i was DINING on only the FINEST ass south korea offers,,,  
kim mingyu

 **suhuicidal:**  
oh my gosh  
he's a top?  
boo seungkwan  
south korea's real top  
what a turn of events

 **won0w0:**  
shut up thot

 **suhuicidal:**  
make me

 **hoeshe:**  
i WILL choke a man

 **suhuicidal:**  
,,,, !!!

 **minguwu:**  
y'all want food?

 **junkie:**  
NO MINGYU  
WE DON'T WANT FOOD  
OH MY FUCKING GOD  
WE DON'T WANT YOUR FOOD

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
speak for yourself

 **jeonghyung:**  
your boyfriend is flat

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
aight so  
turn on your location  
and turn around  
in a pair of skinny jeans  
see who's talking  
flat ass bitch

 **dinhoe:**  
i liTERALLY JUST GOT UP WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT

 **beonon:**  
we wanna eat mingyu's ass !!

 **suhuicidal:**  
and when do we want to eat mingyu's ass?

 **beonon:**  
we wanna eat it now !!

 **suhuicidal:**  
we eating GOOD tonight boys

 **jihoot:**  
you're not even-  
y'know what  
enjoy your meal :))

 **beonon:**  
THANK you  
what a KIND man

 **junkie:**  
it's only because he knows how good ass meals feel :)))))))))))

 **succmin:**  
he what  
you what  
he bottom  
you top

 **jihoot:**  
>:(((((((

 **junkie:**  
:)))))))))))))))

 **hoeshe:**  
wait mingyu will you give us real food  
like  
take us out to eat

 **minguwu:**  
no  
i'll take gwan out for food tho 

**gkwank:**  
:)))))))))))))

**seungchoke:**  
_[kimkwiththetea.jpg]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm still trying to figure out how to embed images without the code having a stroke
> 
> my twitter is @cheolhie come scream at me


	5. "does anyone know where i can buy a pair of weed socks?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **suhuicidal:**  
>  okay okay but  
> does anyone know where i can buy weed socks
> 
>  **jihoot:**  
>  idk ask hansol, he has a pair
> 
>  **beonon:**  
>  source?
> 
>  
> 
> **jihoot:**  
>  _[passtheweeeeed.jpg]_
> 
>  
> 
>  **Xyung_haoX:**  
>  exposed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof she can't write a fic to save her life

funky guac

23:44

**Xyung_haoX:**  
d̶͇̦̜͙̙͇͍̝̦̼̦̝̯̯o͝҉̰̣͎͔̺͉̠̣ ̻̰̺͙̠̰͍͔̤̲͜͞y̴̡̼̥͚̘̯͍͚̰̱͟͝͝ơ̴̗̩͓̫͔̲̻̳͖͙̠̳͎͚͙̳̜͜ͅu̷̼͕̺͉̮̬͔̹̻̼̭̗͈̫͞ ̴̺̞̼̩̭̦̫̙͟͝ͅg̨̮̱̫͔̦ư̴̠͈̖̻͍̝̜͎̬̗̕y̷̵͈̖͔̜̗͚̜̲̖̞̯̺͍̼̞̲̞͘͜s̢̛̠̖̳̩̮͕̘̖͉̭͘ ̷̴̨̧͇̘͚̲͓͇̹̖̼̭̩̖̪h̶̢̬̞̭̼̜̮̬̘̪̻̦ͅa҉̢̛̤̖̖͎̙̻̹̮̯̗̹͈̮͔͔͓̝̦̭͡v̷̗̦̹̜̝͔̼͔͇̩̜͎̜͟ę̵͈̜͇͍̼̫͇̻͓̟͉͇̼̭͓̩͈͘͢ ̴̸̷҉͉̬̰̟͔̲͖̣̮̮̲̭̖̩a̧̨̤̝̤̦̻̞̥̺͈̠̝͚̩̝̯͈̤͜ͅṇ̸̮̣̻̝̘͟y̯̬̜̣͇̱̜̕͟ ̡̨̛̼͉̫̖̙͔̫͜d҉̛͓̳̹̥͞r̴̙͉̘̘̜͙̰̥͢u͏͏̲͓̟͇̬͎̺̱͎͓͇͎̜̦̳̝̘͖g̷̶̸͓̯͔̭͚̱͕̪͚̰̳͔s̨͕̺͕̳̺͕̺͖̺̙̖̹̤͟ͅ?̧̝̼̙͉̼̗̠̘͇͖̗͜ͅ

 **won0w0:**  
no, why?

̜ **seungchoke:**  
are you not gonna question-  
y'know what, never mind

 **dinhoe:**  
no, but i got dick

 **gkwank:**  
chan what the fuck

 **junkie:**  
ayeeeee my mans

 **minguwu:**  
choke

 **suhuicidal:**  
okay okay but  
does anyone know where i can buy weed socks

 **jihoot:**  
idk ask hansol, he has a pair

 **beonon:**  
source?

**jihoot:**  


**beonon:**  
stalker much

 **Xyung_haoX:**  
exposed

 **seungchoke:**  
damn it's funny because,,  
hansol eats edibles  
bc “the smoke hurts his lungs too much”

 **hoeshe:**  
JAJSJSJSJ

 **dinhoe:**  
hansol chwe  
i can't believe you man

 **beonon:**  
suck my dick, cheol

 **seungchoke:**  
if you insist ;)

my baby boy <3

23:56

**cheollie:**  
babyyyyy :((

 **nonnie:**  
whattttt

 **cheollie:**  
i'm really lonely :((  
please come over :((

 **nonnie:**  
no :)

 **cheollie:**  
but

 **nonnie:**  
but nothing,?  
dude if you want cuddles you come here

 **cheollie:**  
i'm lazy :(((  
please ??  
i'll give you head ;))

 **nonnie:**  
as much as i’d love that, i’d rather finger you till you scream,,  
so come here

 **cheollie:**  
,,  
asshole

 **nonnie:**  
actually now i don't feel like cuddles!! :))  
goodnight

 **cheollie:**  
baby :(  
i'm sorry !!  
i'm coming over just give me 5

 **nonnie:**  
good boy  <3

funky guac

00:01

**jeonghyung:**  
has anyo ne seen seokmkn?  
he isn't answ ering his texts  
and he wasn't answering the dooor

 **hoeshe:**  
shit  
no, i haven't???

 **won0w0:**  
hold on guys

seokie !!

00:02

**weewoo:**  
seokmin, you can't run from it.  
do you want me to come over?

_[read 00:05]_

**weewoo:**  
lee seokmin i swear to god, if you don't tell jeonghan i will and i will not be nice about it

 **seokie !!:**  
come over  
pleasr

 **weewoo:**  
i'll be there in 10

funky guac

00:04

**won0w0:**  
it's okay, i've got hold of him  
i'm going to see him now

 **jihoot:**  
fuck  
okay  
good

 **jeonghyung:**  
i'm coming to see him

 **won0w0:**  
no, you're not.  
you're gonna stay at home and i'll make sure seokmin contacts you by tomorrow morning.

 **jeonghyung:**  
but he's my boyfriend ?? what the fuck wonwoo??

 **won0w0:**  
you will find out what's happening soon

 **suhuicidal:**  
what the fuck jeon wonwoo

 **won0w0:**  
i'll talk later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me ?? trying to add plot ?? impossible ! and i might do a proper chapter next time? 
> 
> also ,,, #stantwtisoverparty


	6. "take us what now"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **junkie:**  
>  i'll pick y'all's up around 12  
> be ready or i'll take u in ur pajamas
> 
> **beonon:**  
>  take us what now
> 
> **dinhoe:**  
>  ,,, to the mall
> 
> **seungchoke:**  
>  take me daddy :((

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS SUCKS I'M SORRY I'M SO UNMOTIVATED BUT MY NEXT CHAPTER WILL PROBABLY BE WRITTEN PROPERLY

****

jeongie

****

****  


09:28

**minnie:**  
hey, i'm sorry i didn't reply last night  
i was having a bad day  
i need to talk to you about something  
it's kinda important

 **jeongie:**  
oh my fucking god seokmin  
i thought you'd died  
what's wrong?? what's happened?

**minnie:**  
can you just ,,, hear me out  
all of it  
please

**jeongie:**  
of course baby :(

**minnie:**  
okay okay okay so

 

****

funky guac

****

****  


09:32

**junkie:**  
okay losers, get ready  
we're going shopping

 **hoeshe:**  
excuse ?? it's like ?? 3am

**dinhoe:**  
it's 9am, soonyoung

**Xyung_haoX:**  
uwu i can't

**minguwu:**  
uwu neither can i

**gkwank:**  
uwu yes you Bitches can  
get fucking ready  
we're going shopping

**beonon:**  
oof i'll come

**junkie:**  
oof one more time and i'll push you out of the car on the way there

**seungchoke:**  
oof i felt that

**suhuicidal:**  
Whomst coined the term “oof”?

**jihoot:**  
whomstever coined the term “kys”

**hoeshe:**  
oh jesus

**suhuicidal:**  
sounds about right

**junkie:**  
i'll pick y'all's up around 12  
be ready or i'll take u in ur pajamas

**beonon:**  
take us what now

**dinhoe:**  
,,, to the mall

**seungchoke:**  
take me daddy :((

**junkie:**  
List Of People To Push Out Of The Car: Seungcheol

**seungchoke:**  
:((

 

****

jeongie

****

****  


09:45

**minnie:**  
okay okay okay so  
soonyoung and chan  
have always been open to polyamory  
as have i  
and we grabbed drinks together the other night and started discussing it  
and they said that they were interested in seeing if i'd like to be a part of their relationship  
and we alsomadeoutabitbutthatwasabigfuckingmistakeoops  
but i was avoiding you bc i was so scared  
i'm sorry

_[read 09:51]_

**minnie:**  
hannie?  
jeonghan?  
please don't be mad. we need to discuss this  
if you're not okay with it, it won't happen.  
i don't even know if i want it to happen

**jeongie:**  
can we like , meet for coffee or something and discuss this? i'd rather not have this discussion over text.

**minnie:**  
ofc !! regular place ?

**jeongie:**  
yeah. be there in 15

 

****

funky guac

****

****  


10:46

**junkie:**  
hoon and i are coming to get your asses  
so be ready

 **hoeshe:**  
aight we chill

**Xyung_haoX:**  
shua i hope you treat me to some fucking food because i'm missing breakfast for your ass

**junkie:**  
yeah whatever

**suhuicidal:**  
my tired cinnamon apple  >:(

**beonon:**  
gay  
moving on

**seungchoke:**  
shua, i'm driving sol so don't bother picking us up

**junkie:**  
kk

**won0w0:**  
see y'all soon

**jeonghyung:**  
don't pick seokmin or i up either  
we aren't coming  
we have important shit that's come up

**jihoot:**  
that's chill okay??  
jeez we'll see y'all that are coming 

**dinhoe:**  
bye bye uwu

**junkie:**  
so chan isn't coming

**dinhoe:**  
):

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my twt is @cheolhie come slide into my dms and trash me for my bad writing <33

**Author's Note:**

> just,,,, let me know if you want me to continue this ,,,,


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